1 00:00:04,159 --> 00:00:05,459 Why are you making a snack? 2 00:00:05,561 --> 00:00:06,894 We had couscous an hour ago. 3 00:00:06,996 --> 00:00:08,962 Honey, couscous is not a meal. 4 00:00:09,064 --> 00:00:11,265 It's an appetizer with ambition. 5 00:00:12,401 --> 00:00:15,402 It's like the Jeb Bush of food. 6 00:00:15,471 --> 00:00:19,006 (Laughs) 7 00:00:19,074 --> 00:00:22,209 That is so funny. You always make me laugh. 8 00:00:23,345 --> 00:00:25,412 What do you want, woman? 9 00:00:26,849 --> 00:00:30,484 I had this idea for our summer vacation. 10 00:00:30,553 --> 00:00:32,386 Well, if it's about going camping in Wyoming, 11 00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:34,821 that's my idea, but you can take credit for it. Okay. 12 00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,890 I-I know you're gonna groan when I say this, 13 00:00:36,992 --> 00:00:38,926 but I was thinking we could finally go to Paris. 14 00:00:39,028 --> 00:00:41,728 (Laughs) You are so funny. 15 00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:43,697 You always make me laugh. It's great. 16 00:00:43,799 --> 00:00:45,566 What is so terrible about Paris? 17 00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:47,568 It's in France! 18 00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:48,669 Come on. 19 00:00:48,737 --> 00:00:50,298 I've been asking to go there for years. 20 00:00:50,339 --> 00:00:51,471 And I've been saying "no" for years. 21 00:00:51,574 --> 00:00:52,706 We're on a roll here, hon. 22 00:00:52,775 --> 00:00:53,807 No, no, no. Think about it. Think about it. 23 00:00:53,909 --> 00:00:56,977 Paris in June, and I've been learning French, 24 00:00:57,079 --> 00:00:59,346 so I already know how to say, "You'll have to excuse him. 25 00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:00,681 He's American." (Chuckles) 26 00:01:00,783 --> 00:01:02,249 (Sighs) 27 00:01:02,351 --> 00:01:03,717 Men are so frustrating. 28 00:01:03,819 --> 00:01:05,452 Oh, honey, I wish I could say that feeling went away. 29 00:01:05,554 --> 00:01:06,520 - (Sighs) - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:06,622 --> 00:01:08,922 Kyle and I are having our first real fight. 31 00:01:09,024 --> 00:01:13,060 It's like a reality TV show, but with no music to tell me how to feel. 32 00:01:13,162 --> 00:01:14,595 That does sound like a reality TV show. 33 00:01:14,661 --> 00:01:16,101 That's why I'm totally uninterested. 34 00:01:16,131 --> 00:01:18,131 What, uh, what was the fight about, sweetie? 35 00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:19,399 The wedding. 36 00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:21,268 I told him I really wanted to get married in our church, 37 00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:22,803 and Kyle really wants to get married in his. 38 00:01:22,905 --> 00:01:23,870 He won't give in. 39 00:01:23,973 --> 00:01:26,139 No, Mandy, you have to convince him. 40 00:01:26,241 --> 00:01:27,641 Kristin got married in our church. 41 00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:28,842 It's a... It's a tradition. 42 00:01:28,944 --> 00:01:30,811 The Baxter girls all have their wedding there. 43 00:01:30,879 --> 00:01:33,347 How could it be a tradition if just Kris got married there? 44 00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:35,649 We got married there. 45 00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:37,451 Oh, yeah. 46 00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:42,222 Okay, well, one of you has to convince him because I already tried my best. 47 00:01:42,324 --> 00:01:45,058 I texted him a sad face, a church, a hot-air balloon, and a cactus, 48 00:01:45,094 --> 00:01:46,854 and all I got back was a question mark, so... 49 00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:51,999 You, uh, you need to talk to Kyle. 50 00:01:52,101 --> 00:01:53,000 Why me? 51 00:01:53,102 --> 00:01:54,201 Well, because he'll listen to you. 52 00:01:54,303 --> 00:01:56,269 He'll listen to anybody. 53 00:01:56,372 --> 00:01:59,006 He's like a smiling satellite dish with a ponytail. 54 00:02:01,043 --> 00:02:03,944 Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com 55 00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:07,781 56 00:02:07,883 --> 00:02:09,416 Hey, Kyle. 57 00:02:09,518 --> 00:02:12,653 Look, I understand you and Mandy had your first big argument. 58 00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:15,789 You finally have something to talk to a bartender about. 59 00:02:16,859 --> 00:02:17,991 It was awful. Yeah. 60 00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,093 It was like being pecked at by a duckling. 61 00:02:20,195 --> 00:02:24,998 You want to love it, but after a while, you're like, "Hey, duckling, come on!" 62 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,134 Okay. 63 00:02:27,236 --> 00:02:29,670 Well, get used to it, because marriage 64 00:02:29,772 --> 00:02:31,371 is just a series of disagreements, you know, 65 00:02:31,473 --> 00:02:33,907 like how many kids to have, where to live, 66 00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:37,177 is 100 bucks too much to spend to keep a dog alive. 67 00:02:37,279 --> 00:02:39,346 I just don't like fighting. 68 00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:40,380 Yeah, nobody does. 69 00:02:40,482 --> 00:02:42,949 Well, I do, but you got to pick your battles. 70 00:02:43,052 --> 00:02:44,217 You know, win the ones you want to win, 71 00:02:44,319 --> 00:02:46,553 and lose the ones that don't cost you that much. 72 00:02:46,622 --> 00:02:48,355 So lose some on purpose? 73 00:02:48,457 --> 00:02:49,756 Exactly. 74 00:02:49,858 --> 00:02:52,492 Vanessa and I are having an argument about where to go on vacation, right? 75 00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:53,827 You know, she wants to go to Europe. 76 00:02:53,929 --> 00:02:55,262 I keep telling her I want to go camping. 77 00:02:55,364 --> 00:02:56,997 Oh, okay. So you're gonna let her win this one. 78 00:02:57,099 --> 00:02:59,132 No. I'm gonna let her lose. 79 00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:00,867 You just got to pick your battles. 80 00:03:00,969 --> 00:03:02,536 Well, I have to pick this one 81 00:03:02,638 --> 00:03:04,598 because I really want to get married in my church. 82 00:03:04,606 --> 00:03:05,572 Why? 83 00:03:05,607 --> 00:03:08,108 Your church used to be a roller rink. 84 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:11,078 Six days a week, it still is. 85 00:03:11,146 --> 00:03:16,383 It's just your new pastor wants everybody to attend premarital counseling. 86 00:03:16,485 --> 00:03:18,218 What if he doesn't think we should get married? 87 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,441 I wouldn't worry about that. 88 00:03:19,488 --> 00:03:24,691 I don't know the new pastor personally, but Vanessa and I are, um, big donors, 89 00:03:24,793 --> 00:03:26,593 if you know what I'm talking about. 90 00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:28,462 That's great. 91 00:03:28,597 --> 00:03:30,597 It's important to give blood. 92 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:36,069 The truth is, I don't really know anything about being a husband. 93 00:03:36,138 --> 00:03:38,038 You know, my dad wasn't around when I was growing up, 94 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:40,073 so I never had a role model. 95 00:03:40,175 --> 00:03:43,477 You know, on the farm, we had a hog who really loved his sow, 96 00:03:43,579 --> 00:03:46,046 but what if reverend Paul doesn't think Gumball is enough? 97 00:03:47,649 --> 00:03:49,249 Sounds interesting. 98 00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:50,851 What are we talking about here? 99 00:03:50,953 --> 00:03:53,453 Well, Kyle's a little worried that the pastor at my church 100 00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:56,690 won't think he has anyone in his life to teach him how to be a good husband, 101 00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:59,893 and his best candidate is a pig. 102 00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:03,563 Well, pigs are intelligent beasts, 103 00:04:03,632 --> 00:04:06,366 which is probably why they do not mate for life. 104 00:04:07,336 --> 00:04:09,336 You can cross Ed off your list. 105 00:04:10,606 --> 00:04:12,506 I would make a great reference. 106 00:04:12,608 --> 00:04:14,307 I've been married 26 years. 107 00:04:14,409 --> 00:04:17,144 But not in a row, and not to the same woman. 108 00:04:17,246 --> 00:04:18,712 Yes, well that's ...that's right. 109 00:04:18,814 --> 00:04:20,547 And I'm battle tested, see? 110 00:04:21,884 --> 00:04:24,217 This one here's spent the last 30 years with his lady, 111 00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,686 skipping down the yellow brick road. 112 00:04:26,789 --> 00:04:28,054 Well, you got me there. 113 00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:30,203 Nothing more embarrassing than a successful marriage. 114 00:04:30,711 --> 00:04:33,031 If your pastor wants to know if you have a good role model, 115 00:04:33,061 --> 00:04:34,728 tell him you got the best one in the world... me. 116 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:37,030 Hey, yeah. That's right. 117 00:04:37,132 --> 00:04:38,365 Yeah. 118 00:04:38,433 --> 00:04:39,766 I mean, you certainly set a better example than Gumball. 119 00:04:39,868 --> 00:04:40,834 Right. 120 00:04:40,936 --> 00:04:42,736 I don't want to be where he ended up. 121 00:04:42,802 --> 00:04:43,842 - No. - He's a farm animal. 122 00:04:43,872 --> 00:04:45,032 They're raised for slaughter. 123 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,773 Oh, no, no. 124 00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:49,276 He became my grandma's pet. Hmm. 125 00:04:49,378 --> 00:04:51,645 She makes him wear pants. 126 00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:53,847 Excuse me. 127 00:04:57,152 --> 00:04:59,319 128 00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:01,054 Hey, Eve. 129 00:05:01,123 --> 00:05:02,964 Your dad said I could borrow this for the move. 130 00:05:03,058 --> 00:05:06,526 Got to take apart a bookshelf, but the only tool I have is a Swiffer. 131 00:05:06,628 --> 00:05:08,228 Okay. 132 00:05:10,065 --> 00:05:11,298 Wow. 133 00:05:11,366 --> 00:05:13,934 I leave myself wide open, and you don't take a shot. 134 00:05:14,002 --> 00:05:14,868 Do you have a fever? 135 00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:17,170 It's my government class. 136 00:05:17,239 --> 00:05:19,773 We have this debate coming up, and my teacher is making us 137 00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:21,942 take the opposite side of our political beliefs, 138 00:05:22,044 --> 00:05:27,480 which means I have to be a... liberal. 139 00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:29,950 It's not a curse word. 140 00:05:30,052 --> 00:05:32,485 Well, it is in this house. 141 00:05:32,588 --> 00:05:35,789 So I've been researching liberal positions. 142 00:05:35,891 --> 00:05:39,359 I Googled "How to talk out of your ass", but that was no help. 143 00:05:40,929 --> 00:05:44,431 By the way, never Google "How to talk out of your ass." 144 00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:47,634 Well, I could help you if you want. 145 00:05:47,736 --> 00:05:51,471 I love the art of stating a thesis and making a cogent argument to support it. 146 00:05:51,573 --> 00:05:55,041 I know. It's the reason Kristin doesn't have dinner parties anymore. 147 00:05:55,143 --> 00:05:57,878 Look, if you really want to prepare, we should have a mock debate. 148 00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:59,145 That's a good idea. 149 00:05:59,248 --> 00:06:01,681 You spew your usual garbage, and I'll mock you. 150 00:06:01,783 --> 00:06:05,385 No, because then you'll never learn how to defend a liberal's point of view. 151 00:06:05,454 --> 00:06:06,853 That's because it has no defense! 152 00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:07,888 Zing! 153 00:06:07,990 --> 00:06:09,322 How's that for a cogent argument? 154 00:06:09,391 --> 00:06:12,492 First sign of a bad argument... the need for the word "zing." 155 00:06:12,561 --> 00:06:13,760 Look, if you want to win, 156 00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:15,902 you got to practice saying what a liberal would say. 157 00:06:16,531 --> 00:06:17,797 Okay. 158 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,332 Hooray for taxes! 159 00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:20,667 Give me free stuff! 160 00:06:20,769 --> 00:06:22,335 White men suck! 161 00:06:22,437 --> 00:06:23,470 You mean like that? 162 00:06:24,973 --> 00:06:27,607 163 00:06:27,676 --> 00:06:29,009 Ooh. Look at these. 164 00:06:29,111 --> 00:06:32,045 The Eiffel Tower, Versailles, and then... and then 165 00:06:32,147 --> 00:06:35,382 we could head on over to the Loire Valley, see some chateaux. 166 00:06:35,450 --> 00:06:40,253 Or we could go to Wyoming and go camping in the Curt Gowdy State Park! 167 00:06:40,355 --> 00:06:42,789 The best of all state parks named after an old sportscaster. 168 00:06:42,891 --> 00:06:45,325 I can't believe you're still being so stubborn about this. 169 00:06:45,394 --> 00:06:47,127 Hey, what can I say? You didn't marry a quitter. 170 00:06:47,229 --> 00:06:48,428 Neither did you. 171 00:06:49,765 --> 00:06:51,264 We have a problem. 172 00:06:51,366 --> 00:06:53,566 Our meeting with the new pastor did not go well. 173 00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:54,915 What do you mean? What happened? 174 00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:57,704 Kyle started saying all this crazy stuff about being a husband. 175 00:06:57,806 --> 00:06:58,972 We talked about this. 176 00:06:59,074 --> 00:07:00,540 Didn't you explain to him I was your role model? 177 00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:02,976 Oh, yeah. I talked about you a lot. 178 00:07:04,046 --> 00:07:05,745 That was the crazy stuff. 179 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:07,647 Oh, no, no, no. 180 00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:10,390 Nobody should repeat your father's opinions except for your father. 181 00:07:10,485 --> 00:07:13,453 And (Sighs) honestly, even that's getting old. 182 00:07:13,555 --> 00:07:14,654 So here's the deal. 183 00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:17,290 Before he'll allow us to get married in the church, 184 00:07:17,359 --> 00:07:19,092 Reverend Paul needs to meet with you guys 185 00:07:19,194 --> 00:07:21,227 to talk about your relationship. What?! 186 00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,496 You know, I'm already starting to miss old Reverend Tisdale. 187 00:07:23,598 --> 00:07:26,700 You give him a bottle of Bushmills, he'll do whatever you want. 188 00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:28,201 (Sighs) 189 00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:36,742 So Reverend Paul won't do the wedding because of something you told Kyle? 190 00:07:36,844 --> 00:07:38,877 I want to talk to his supervisor. 191 00:07:38,946 --> 00:07:40,312 Who's got God's number? 192 00:07:40,348 --> 00:07:41,814 Well, what exactly did you tell him? 193 00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:44,583 I said to use us as a role model because we have a solid marriage. 194 00:07:44,652 --> 00:07:46,292 Yeah, and I told him about all that great 195 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,840 win-some, lose-some stuff you taught me 196 00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:50,923 and how Mrs. B is gonna lose the vacation argument. 197 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,460 Really? 198 00:07:54,528 --> 00:07:57,329 That's when he started writing stuff down on a pad. 199 00:07:57,398 --> 00:07:58,597 I'm gonna lose? 200 00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:00,466 I said you also win some arguments. 201 00:08:00,534 --> 00:08:01,500 What else did I say? 202 00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,168 Yeah, that's true... when he lets you. 203 00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:04,803 (Scoffs) 204 00:08:04,839 --> 00:08:06,338 Which, I think, is very generous. 205 00:08:07,975 --> 00:08:10,476 Or, as Reverend Paul put it, "deeply disturbing." 206 00:08:10,544 --> 00:08:14,213 So he needs to meet with you guys tomorrow before he meets with us again. 207 00:08:14,281 --> 00:08:16,682 Come on, Kyle. 208 00:08:16,784 --> 00:08:17,865 Unbelievable. Unbelievable. 209 00:08:17,918 --> 00:08:21,787 They may not be able to get married in our church because of you. (Sighs) 210 00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:23,522 You know how much I wanted that. 211 00:08:23,591 --> 00:08:26,291 Exactly, which is why that's what we should focus on, 212 00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:29,094 not who said what to Kyle or who said they win all the arguments. 213 00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:30,162 Yeah, both you. 214 00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:32,898 Okay, bottom line... we put up a united front 215 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,734 to show the new reverend that we have a perfect marriage. 216 00:08:35,803 --> 00:08:37,669 That is so funny! (Stomps foot) 217 00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:39,371 Yeah. (Giggles) 218 00:08:39,473 --> 00:08:40,639 You always make me laugh. 219 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:41,673 Yeah. 220 00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:45,711 221 00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:46,678 Okay. 222 00:08:46,781 --> 00:08:49,181 Now we both have our own podiums. 223 00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:50,616 Kris, we're ready. (Air hisses) 224 00:08:50,684 --> 00:08:52,484 It's kind of a crappy debate stage. 225 00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:53,585 What is this, MSNBC? 226 00:08:53,687 --> 00:08:54,953 No, no. 227 00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:55,977 Can't make those jokes. 228 00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,057 I am the conservative, and you're the liberal, remember? 229 00:08:58,159 --> 00:08:59,058 Right. 230 00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:00,959 Rachel Maddow is my hero. 231 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,895 (Inhales sharply) God, that leaves a taste. 232 00:09:02,963 --> 00:09:05,030 Okay, here are the rules. 233 00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:06,932 You each have 30 seconds for a response. 234 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:09,635 When you hear this... your time is up. 235 00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:13,906 If you continue talking, you will hear... (Horn honks) 236 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,894 And if you still won't shut up, I am out of here. 237 00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:18,477 I'm not Megyn Kelly, and I've got packing to do. 238 00:09:18,546 --> 00:09:20,079 Let's begin with a brief opening statement. 239 00:09:20,181 --> 00:09:20,979 Ryan. 240 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,882 America is at a crossroads. 241 00:09:23,984 --> 00:09:25,384 Do we go the way of Ronald Reagan, 242 00:09:25,453 --> 00:09:28,587 the greatest man with the greatest hair who ever lived? 243 00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:32,024 Or do we follow the lead of my weak-kneed, socialist opponent 244 00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:36,495 who longs for the day when ISIS rules the world and Americans are in chains? 245 00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,330 What? That's crazy. 246 00:09:38,432 --> 00:09:39,832 Nobody would say that. 247 00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:42,167 Conservatives say that stuff all the time. 248 00:09:42,269 --> 00:09:43,202 We're lunatics. 249 00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:44,636 Are you gonna take this seriously or not? 250 00:09:44,705 --> 00:09:46,465 Because I'd like to get a good grade on this. 251 00:09:46,974 --> 00:09:47,973 Hey! I didn't even get a chance to respond! 252 00:09:48,075 --> 00:09:49,675 (Horn honks) Oh, my God. 253 00:09:49,777 --> 00:09:51,243 Sorry. You wasted your time. 254 00:09:51,312 --> 00:09:52,744 Okay, next topic ...entitlements. 255 00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:54,680 Uh, I'd like to go first on that one. Mm-kay. 256 00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:58,417 Democrats have created a nation of takers who live like kings 257 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:00,486 and who have never done a lick of work in their lives. 258 00:10:00,554 --> 00:10:03,555 My opponent may disagree with this, but the best thing we can do 259 00:10:03,657 --> 00:10:07,559 for the poor, elderly, and disabled is to let them rot. 260 00:10:07,628 --> 00:10:08,894 Uh, thank you. 261 00:10:08,963 --> 00:10:11,330 Of course I disagree with that. 262 00:10:11,432 --> 00:10:13,065 Everybody disagrees with that. 263 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:14,933 You know what? This whole thing is stupid. Okay? 264 00:10:15,002 --> 00:10:17,503 You're just an angry, malnourished vegan 265 00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:19,505 that is jealous that I can eat cheeseburgers. 266 00:10:19,607 --> 00:10:21,240 So I quit. This is stupid. 267 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:22,274 I'm leaving. 268 00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:23,842 Oh, yeah. 269 00:10:23,911 --> 00:10:25,544 And Rachel Maddow sucks. 270 00:10:29,216 --> 00:10:31,183 Man, it is real easy being a conservative. 271 00:10:31,285 --> 00:10:33,285 What is the matter with you? 272 00:10:33,387 --> 00:10:35,427 That was my little sister, and she needed your help. 273 00:10:35,456 --> 00:10:36,736 Trust me. This is going to help. 274 00:10:36,757 --> 00:10:37,923 What? You see, I have a theory... 275 00:10:38,025 --> 00:10:39,324 (Horn honks) 276 00:10:39,393 --> 00:10:41,393 277 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,230 Okay. 278 00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:46,932 Reverend Paul will be right in. 279 00:10:47,034 --> 00:10:48,367 - Ah. (Chuckles) - Thanks a lot. 280 00:10:48,402 --> 00:10:50,802 Hey, look at this. Churches of Europe. Ugh. 281 00:10:50,905 --> 00:10:52,704 Maybe we should borrow this 282 00:10:52,806 --> 00:10:55,574 to get a preview of what we will be seeing this summer. 283 00:10:55,643 --> 00:10:59,611 Yeah, that's how I want to spend my vacation... going to church. 284 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:00,879 I hear ya. 285 00:11:00,948 --> 00:11:02,948 (Chuckles) 286 00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,987 That'd be a little too much like going to work. 287 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:10,289 (Both chuckle) Hey, Reverend Paul. 288 00:11:10,391 --> 00:11:11,590 Really nice to meet you two finally. 289 00:11:11,692 --> 00:11:12,624 Mike Baxter. 290 00:11:12,693 --> 00:11:13,692 You've probably seen my name in the bibles 291 00:11:13,794 --> 00:11:15,761 right there by the words "donated by." 292 00:11:15,829 --> 00:11:17,062 (All chuckle) 293 00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:19,965 You know, for 50 bucks more, we can give you a "written by." 294 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:20,999 (Both chuckle) 295 00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:22,534 - Uh, I'm Vanessa. - Hi. 296 00:11:22,636 --> 00:11:24,169 We are so thrilled to have you as our new Pastor... 297 00:11:24,271 --> 00:11:25,437 Thank you. 298 00:11:25,506 --> 00:11:27,172 ...and... and I'm really loving the contemporary service. 299 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:29,575 Yeah. Yes, I've always thought "How Great Thou Art" 300 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:30,576 needed a guitar solo. 301 00:11:30,678 --> 00:11:31,577 (Laughs) 302 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,112 Well, please, sit, sit, sit. 303 00:11:34,181 --> 00:11:37,482 You know, we're also very excited about Mandy and Kyle's wedding. 304 00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:41,420 Hopefully happening here in our longtime family church. 305 00:11:41,522 --> 00:11:43,822 In pews we also donated. 306 00:11:43,924 --> 00:11:47,226 Well, Mandy and Kyle are a lovely, young couple. 307 00:11:47,328 --> 00:11:49,494 Yeah, we think so, too. 308 00:11:49,597 --> 00:11:51,363 Well, looks like we covered everything. 309 00:11:51,432 --> 00:11:52,965 We'll see you at the rehearsal dinner. 310 00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:55,834 Um, why don't you have a seat on that sofa 311 00:11:55,903 --> 00:11:57,936 that you may or may not have donated? 312 00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:05,410 If your marriage is the model for Mandy and Kyle, 313 00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:07,779 well, I have a few questions. 314 00:12:07,848 --> 00:12:09,715 Oh, we have a rock-solid relationship. Mm-hmm. 315 00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:11,350 I mean, we're gonna be the old couple 316 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:13,719 who dies within minutes of each other at the old-age home, 317 00:12:13,787 --> 00:12:15,454 face-down in our pudding. 318 00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:17,022 (Laughs) 319 00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:19,825 Both chocolate! Chocolate. 320 00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:22,427 Yeah, that's how my parents went. 321 00:12:27,501 --> 00:12:29,868 Kyle mentioned a vacation argument... 322 00:12:29,937 --> 00:12:32,104 Oh... and apparently you don't want to go camping? 323 00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:33,538 Uh, well, no. No. 324 00:12:33,607 --> 00:12:36,375 I mean, I would much rather go to Paris and sit in caf?s, 325 00:12:36,477 --> 00:12:39,745 drinking amazing bottles of... coffee. 326 00:12:40,881 --> 00:12:42,347 We have disagreements... Yeah. 327 00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:45,917 ...but at the end of the day, there's a balanced, spirited give and take. 328 00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:47,352 I see. 329 00:12:47,421 --> 00:12:49,187 So might this be one of those times when... 330 00:12:49,256 --> 00:12:51,016 how did Kyle put it? ...uh, you let her win? 331 00:12:51,091 --> 00:12:52,124 Listen. 332 00:12:52,226 --> 00:12:55,227 I don't want to say anything bad about Kyle, 333 00:12:55,329 --> 00:12:58,030 so let's go to the next question. 334 00:12:58,132 --> 00:12:59,564 (Chuckles) Well, hey. 335 00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:02,301 Don't be judgmental. That's my job. 336 00:13:02,403 --> 00:13:07,706 Vanessa, do you ever feel that sometimes Mike can be a little bit of a bully? 337 00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,007 (Scoffs ) Wha... 338 00:13:09,076 --> 00:13:10,942 This woman buys $40 candles, and I'm the bully? 339 00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:12,311 (Scoffs) 340 00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:14,346 Please feel free to speak if you want to say something. 341 00:13:14,415 --> 00:13:15,547 Well, I... No, I mean, I... 342 00:13:15,649 --> 00:13:17,316 Honey, honey, why don't we talk about this later 343 00:13:17,418 --> 00:13:21,453 at our favorite restaurant, the United Front? 344 00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:26,325 I'm starting to see what Kyle meant about the pig who wears the pants. 345 00:13:26,427 --> 00:13:28,460 No, no, no, no, no. 346 00:13:28,562 --> 00:13:31,997 That's an actual pig in real pants. 347 00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:35,000 - Is it? - Okay. 348 00:13:35,102 --> 00:13:37,235 All right, all right. You know what? 349 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:40,138 Look... Look, I can clear this whole thing up. 350 00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:42,341 My husband is complicated. 351 00:13:42,409 --> 00:13:47,579 He's... he's stubborn, he's pushy, he has, like, zero patience, and... 352 00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:49,748 Good job, honey. 353 00:13:52,152 --> 00:13:54,086 The man I married is not perfect. 354 00:13:54,154 --> 00:13:56,355 But you know what? Neither am I. 355 00:13:56,457 --> 00:13:59,491 And you have been at this church for... for, what, all of two weeks? 356 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,660 Okay. How... how can you possibly know what goes on between us? 357 00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:02,991 Honey. 358 00:14:03,063 --> 00:14:04,563 Because we fit. 359 00:14:04,665 --> 00:14:07,199 We work. We're perfect. 360 00:14:08,068 --> 00:14:10,602 In our marriage, both of the pigs wear the pants. 361 00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:14,606 And... and I don't know 362 00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,376 if I want someone officiating in my daughter's marriage 363 00:14:17,478 --> 00:14:18,977 who doesn't believe in mine. 364 00:14:19,079 --> 00:14:20,879 Oh, and you know what? 365 00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:23,482 Your guitar service is lame. 366 00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:27,386 You, sir, are no Dave Matthews. 367 00:14:27,521 --> 00:14:31,223 Well, Dave Matthews isn't stuck with Mrs. Osgood as his organist. 368 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,259 (Chuckles) 369 00:14:34,361 --> 00:14:35,894 Oh, wow. 370 00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:39,264 Now you see how I end up with $40 candles. 371 00:14:45,622 --> 00:14:47,989 Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man. 372 00:14:48,091 --> 00:14:50,458 What's the world's most perilous journey? 373 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:52,327 Scaling Everest? 374 00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:54,462 Crossing the Himalayas? 375 00:14:54,531 --> 00:14:58,233 The drive home after eating Indian food? 376 00:14:58,301 --> 00:15:00,902 Dad, is that you? 377 00:15:00,971 --> 00:15:04,372 Nah, the most dangerous expedition is where one half the people quit 378 00:15:04,474 --> 00:15:05,540 and the other half die. 379 00:15:05,642 --> 00:15:06,541 Hmm? 380 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,843 Yeah, marriage. 381 00:15:08,912 --> 00:15:11,079 And all the survival gear I sell you won't save you 382 00:15:11,148 --> 00:15:12,814 if you marry the wrong person. 383 00:15:12,883 --> 00:15:14,682 You pick the wrong partner, you find yourself 384 00:15:14,784 --> 00:15:16,718 in an episode of "Naked and Afraid," 385 00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:19,454 only you'll rarely be naked. 386 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:21,589 On the flip side, you find your true life partner, 387 00:15:21,691 --> 00:15:24,058 and there's no mountain or tundra you can't conquer. 388 00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:26,861 And you'll be naked a lot more often. 389 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:31,166 In Proverbs 21:9, King Solomon wrote, "Better to live on the corner of a roof 390 00:15:31,268 --> 00:15:33,434 than share the house with a quarrelsome wife." 391 00:15:33,503 --> 00:15:36,804 And this dude knew wives. He had 700 of them. 392 00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:38,673 That's a lot of anniversaries to remember. 393 00:15:38,742 --> 00:15:41,776 God forbid you give Bathsheba and Esther the same gift. 394 00:15:41,845 --> 00:15:45,380 (Effeminate voice) "Really? A straw hat?" 395 00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:47,248 (Normal voice) And while I appreciate the scripture, 396 00:15:47,317 --> 00:15:50,552 the truest thing I ever read about marriage was on a coffee mug. 397 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:53,154 It said, "Happy Wife, Happy Life." 398 00:15:53,223 --> 00:15:56,224 Hasn't steered me wrong since the day she threw it at me. 399 00:15:56,326 --> 00:15:58,927 400 00:16:02,532 --> 00:16:04,999 Dad, you have to poke some air holes in this one 401 00:16:05,101 --> 00:16:06,834 so my stuffed animals can breathe. 402 00:16:06,937 --> 00:16:11,472 Boyd, you are old enough to know that your stuffed animals, they... 403 00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:13,241 Go get me the screwdriver. 404 00:16:14,611 --> 00:16:16,010 (Knock on door) 405 00:16:17,314 --> 00:16:19,347 (Rhythmic knocking) 406 00:16:22,018 --> 00:16:24,219 I knew you'd be back. 407 00:16:24,321 --> 00:16:26,221 I left my binder, so... 408 00:16:26,323 --> 00:16:28,423 You also left your dignity. 409 00:16:28,491 --> 00:16:29,724 All right, fine. 410 00:16:29,793 --> 00:16:32,193 I got mad, and by getting mad, I automatically lost. 411 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,595 Right. Come in. 412 00:16:33,697 --> 00:16:35,897 Your teacher probably wants you to learn 413 00:16:35,999 --> 00:16:37,865 how to have a rational and civilized debate. 414 00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:39,000 Well, I don't know why. 415 00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:40,802 The crazy ones get all the good ratings. 416 00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:43,705 Rational and civilized aren't very popular these days, 417 00:16:43,807 --> 00:16:45,573 but it is still worth learning. 418 00:16:45,642 --> 00:16:47,041 You know, you're pretty good at this stuff. 419 00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:48,776 We're you ever on your high school debate team? 420 00:16:48,878 --> 00:16:49,978 Nope. 421 00:16:50,046 --> 00:16:51,746 My training started the very first time I said, 422 00:16:51,848 --> 00:16:53,615 "I don't think I agree with you, Mike." 423 00:16:54,918 --> 00:16:56,884 Every argument, he'd bait me, and I'd blow up. 424 00:16:56,987 --> 00:16:58,519 Yeah, you used to get pretty mad. 425 00:16:58,622 --> 00:17:00,488 One time, soy milk came out of your nose. 426 00:17:00,557 --> 00:17:02,223 And that's how I'd lose. 427 00:17:02,292 --> 00:17:05,026 But eventually, I learned to keep my cool. 428 00:17:05,128 --> 00:17:05,994 And now you win some? 429 00:17:06,096 --> 00:17:07,028 Nope. 430 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:08,896 But I keep my cool. 431 00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:11,299 All right, well, if you're still cool with it, 432 00:17:11,368 --> 00:17:13,768 I'd love for you to coach me on some liberal arguments 433 00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:15,470 so I don't throw up during the debate. 434 00:17:15,538 --> 00:17:16,671 I would be happy to. 435 00:17:16,773 --> 00:17:17,739 Cool. All right. 436 00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:19,274 Um, Obamacare. 437 00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:20,375 (Inhales deeply) 438 00:17:20,443 --> 00:17:23,645 Obamacare is the greatest thing to... 439 00:17:25,248 --> 00:17:26,968 No, I can't do it. I'm gonna need a bucket. 440 00:17:28,852 --> 00:17:30,852 441 00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:33,988 Vanessa? Honey? 442 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:34,889 (Sighs) 443 00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:35,985 Hi. What were you doing? 444 00:17:36,026 --> 00:17:39,394 Hey, well, since we're gonna need to check out Kyle's church for the wedding, 445 00:17:39,462 --> 00:17:40,962 I was looking for my roller skates. 446 00:17:41,064 --> 00:17:42,664 (Sighs) 447 00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:45,166 Look, I-I'm sorry about what happened with the pastor. 448 00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:46,434 No, I think it was great what you did. 449 00:17:46,536 --> 00:17:48,670 He was really coming after us, and for someone who loves France, 450 00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:50,505 you really held your ground. 451 00:17:50,607 --> 00:17:53,508 Well, you know, he was wrong. 452 00:17:53,576 --> 00:17:55,076 We make our decisions together. 453 00:17:55,178 --> 00:17:56,778 You have always respected my input. 454 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,279 I do respect your input. Yeah. 455 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,348 But this time, the decision's unilateral. 456 00:18:01,718 --> 00:18:04,419 "The Hopeless Romantic's Guide to Paris"? 457 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,922 I paid some lady to go buy that at a bookstore for me. 458 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:11,859 We're going to France. 459 00:18:11,961 --> 00:18:16,297 Oh, oh, there's that bully that Reverend Paul was talking about right there. 460 00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:18,433 Okay, okay, but only under one condition. 461 00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:20,001 - No conditions. - Yes, one condition. 462 00:18:20,070 --> 00:18:21,035 We're going... we're going to France. 463 00:18:21,104 --> 00:18:23,738 We also find some nice camping areas nearby. 464 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,940 Deal. 465 00:18:26,042 --> 00:18:28,943 We'll take some cheese and a couple nice bottles of coffee. 466 00:18:29,045 --> 00:18:29,911 Oh, yeah. 467 00:18:30,013 --> 00:18:31,512 (Both laugh) 468 00:18:31,614 --> 00:18:33,114 As far as church is concerned, 469 00:18:33,216 --> 00:18:35,683 I'll go have a little chat with Reverend Bo Diddley. 470 00:18:35,752 --> 00:18:38,319 (Sighs) No, it's okay. 471 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,588 Maybe... maybe we need to start a new tradition. 472 00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:41,889 Like... Like letting the kids 473 00:18:41,991 --> 00:18:44,071 figure out where they want to get married themselves. 474 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,060 Um, Reverend Paul has a message for you guys. 475 00:18:46,129 --> 00:18:48,049 Yeah, I got a little message for Reverend Paul... 476 00:18:48,064 --> 00:18:49,185 Uh... right about... Hey! 477 00:18:49,265 --> 00:18:50,765 Hey! 478 00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:53,134 Welcome to our home. (Chuckles) 479 00:18:53,236 --> 00:18:57,805 I would've called earlier, but I like catching people doing stuff. 480 00:18:57,874 --> 00:19:00,375 I-I need to apologize to you. No, no. 481 00:19:00,477 --> 00:19:02,910 Not for what I said, but for how I said it. 482 00:19:03,012 --> 00:19:06,080 Well, I think we've all prayerfully considered what happened earlier. 483 00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:07,677 Eh, let's forget the prayerfully stuff. 484 00:19:07,684 --> 00:19:08,844 You're not at work. Sit down. 485 00:19:08,918 --> 00:19:10,651 Can I get you something to drink? Wine? A wafer? 486 00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:12,053 Oh, no. Thank you. 487 00:19:13,089 --> 00:19:19,127 I've realized that while part of my responsibility is to teach, 488 00:19:19,229 --> 00:19:21,896 I also want to be that pastor that listens and learns. 489 00:19:21,998 --> 00:19:25,038 And on the subject of a strong marriage, I can definitely learn from you two. 490 00:19:25,101 --> 00:19:26,000 (Chuckles) 491 00:19:26,102 --> 00:19:27,502 Just like Kyle and Mandy have. 492 00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:29,337 Reverend Paul said we can get married in the church! 493 00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:31,873 (Gasps) Hey, that's wonderful. Yeah. 494 00:19:31,975 --> 00:19:34,475 But he still won't let me release 600 doves inside. 495 00:19:35,879 --> 00:19:37,478 Really appreciate how this worked out. 496 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,946 Butterflies? 497 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:43,017 Kyle and Mandy's wedding is gonna be very special. 498 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,219 And it'll be the first reception we have in the rec hall. 499 00:19:45,321 --> 00:19:46,721 Ah, you haven't been here for very long. 500 00:19:46,823 --> 00:19:48,223 The church doesn't have a rec hall. 501 00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:49,490 (Chuckles) 502 00:19:49,592 --> 00:19:51,072 That's the other reason I stopped by. 503 00:20:00,090 --> 00:20:01,389 Hey, Mike. 504 00:20:01,424 --> 00:20:02,423 Hey, come on in. 505 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,759 Just came by to bring back your tools. 506 00:20:04,794 --> 00:20:06,794 Yeah, a man needs his own tools, Ryan. 507 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,162 I totally understand. 508 00:20:08,198 --> 00:20:10,318 That's why I got them back to you as quick as I could. 509 00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:13,134 A man would've understood what I meant there. 510 00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:16,638 Hey. How was your debate? 511 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,973 Great. I destroyed Derrick Lowe. 512 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,142 Good for you. Did you keep it civil? 513 00:20:21,177 --> 00:20:22,477 Use the talking points we rehearsed? 514 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,846 Mm, actually, I went another way. 515 00:20:24,881 --> 00:20:27,849 In my opening statement, I reminded everyone of the time in third grade 516 00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,651 Derrick had to use his emergency pants. 517 00:20:30,787 --> 00:20:33,087 (Chuckles) Classic. 518 00:20:33,123 --> 00:20:35,623 (Air hisses) 519 00:20:37,594 --> 00:20:38,693 That's not debating. 520 00:20:38,728 --> 00:20:39,761 But it's winning. 521 00:20:39,796 --> 00:20:42,096 See, that is the problem with conservatives... 522 00:20:42,132 --> 00:20:43,998 they don't debate, they insult. Yeah. 523 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:46,074 You know, I never noticed how small your hands were. 524 00:20:46,124 --> 00:20:50,674 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0